How do you know if you love someone?
Wondering what is love? There are so many definitions of love it can get really confusing when you try to answer the tough question “Am I in Love?” or “What actually is it?”
Sometimes one of the best ways to answer those questions is in reverse–“what is NOT love?”
You may have heard before that there is a “a thin line between love and hate”.
But in reality there is a giant valley between love and hate. However, there is a very thin line between addiction and hate. When we truly love someone and someone truly loves us there are signs that we will likely see present in the relationship:
1. There is laughter in the relationship. If you have more tears and arguing than you do laughter, that is not a good sign. That is a marker that the relationship is more likely an addiction versus love.
2. You talk through problems using negotiation and compromise when issues come up. The relationship is not marked by screaming, slamming doors, saying horrible things to each other, or making threats when one person doesn’t get their way. Problems are faced as a team and solutions are brain-stormed until a compromise is reached that benefits both people in the relationship.
3. You are both aware of the other partner needs and put effort into meeting their needs. Each person finds a balance between meeting their own needs and taking care of their emotional and physical health and having an awareness of the fact that their partner’s needs are different than their own.
4. The relationship has healthy boundaries. It is impossible for you to meet all of your partner’s needs. They need friends and family and other people in their life that can meet their many needs. If they adore shopping and you hate shopping, a healthy relationship understands it is unhealthy and unrealistic to expect to spend every moment together. You have strengths and you have preferences. Both partners understand alone time and time spent with others can be refreshing and recharge the relationship. The relationship is not obsessive and intense demands such as “call me at exactly 10pm” are not placed on the other person.
5. Both partner’s feel emotionally and physically safe in the relationship. If there is frequent yelling or displays of aggression like throwing things or physical violence that is not love. Someone who loves you protects you, you should not need protection from them.Any form of domestic violence is a crime and not love. If you would like more information on domestic violence see www.onlinedomesticviolenceclasses.com